Tore Up (Mississippi Smoke Series Book 1)

I had done my best to listen to Than as he introduced me to the horses. It had been slightly difficult with Bane’s thick, raspy voice in my head, telling the woman in the office what to do to his cock, then the way he’d sounded when he finally came. I’d found myself breathing harder, standing there, listening to them, while Than grinned like it was funny. When Bane walked out, buttoning his jeans, my throat went dry. His piercing stare when he looked at me had not helped.

“Bane’s truck is here,” Than said as he cut the engine to his Range Rover once we were parked in the garage. “If he is in a foul mood, just ignore it. He probably didn’t want any of us knowing he was giving it to Adalee,” he told me. “But if I can’t help myself and I break out and sing ‘Older Women Make Good Lovers,’ you might want to duck and run.”

I tried to decide if he was joking or not. Opening the door, I got out of the vehicle, then walked around the back of it. Than was reaching in the back to grab two large mason jars with a clear liquid inside that Ransom had dropped off in the office and told him to bring back here.

He closed the door of the car, then turned to me. “Braves play the Marlins tonight,” he explained.

I followed him to the door and opened it since he had his hands full.

“Do you like baseball?” he asked me.

Glancing up at him, I cocked my head to the side. “What do you think?”

A witty smile curled his lips. “It puts you to sleep.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Never watched it.”

“Ah! There is hope. You might love it,” he announced as he walked inside. “Remember, duck and run,” he added.

We walked until we got to the game room, and he set the bottles down.

“These need to be hidden from the crowd tonight. Only a few get some of this.” He motioned me on. “Let’s go eat.”

When we reached the great room, Bane was sitting on the sofa with a sandwich in his hand, watching the television. He lifted his eyes to briefly glance at us, then went back to what he had been doing.

“We’re gonna need to take her to the next big race so she can understand the reason why we have …” He glanced back at me. “What was it you called it? Five-star hotel rooms for stables?”

“I said luxury, but same thing,” I replied, not wanting to look in Bane’s direction. My cheeks felt hot because the sound of him getting off was now replaying in my head again.

“Might want to wait until Saylor has had time to adjust,” Bane replied stonily.

I tensed.

“I brought some Liquid Hale. It’s in the game room. Go have a shot or three,” he told Bane, then touched my arm and nodded his head for us to go.

Once we were in the kitchen, I asked, “Is Liquid Hale some other alcohol y’all make?” It was clear, and I knew whiskey wasn’t.

There was a devilish twinkle in his eyes when he looked at me. “Awbrey Carver’s moonshine recipe. He was my great-grandfather. My grandfather perfected it in the ’70s, and it was then called Liquid Hale since my grandfather’s name is Hale. We have a license to make whiskey, but there are guidelines you must follow. Liquid Hale doesn’t follow all those guidelines. The fact that it’s eighty proof is also frowned upon. So, it’s still made, but we don’t sell it. At least not to the general public. It’s our way to keep the bootlegging in the Carver family,” he explained. “It wouldn’t be the Carver way to be completely legal.”

“So, moonshine isn’t whiskey, or is it just illegal whiskey?” I asked, finding the distraction from Bane a relief.

Than leaned against the counter. “You saw those two bottles I brought in? They were clear.”

I nodded.

“Remember those oak barrels today that I told you we aged the whiskey in?”

“Yes.”

“Moonshine isn’t whiskey because it’s not aged in the oak barrels. It doesn’t take on the caramel color or flavoring. It also doesn’t take years and years to make a good bottle. It’s called moonshine because it was liquor that was made by the light of the moon so that the bootleggers, like my great-grandfather, didn’t get caught. It’s a clear high-proof liquor. The aging process of whiskey smooths the taste and takes the bite off. Moonshine burns like a bitch, but it’s a real good scorch.”

“Why are you giving a pregnant woman a lesson on moonshine?” Forge asked as he entered the kitchen.

“She asked,” Than replied, then turned back to me. “Looks like Wilma made sandwiches for lunch and homemade chips because she loves me. Do you want turkey, ham, or roast beef?”

I walked over to the counter to look at the selections. Forge picked up the first two options and then scooped chips onto his plate. I didn’t want to eat the chips. They had been fried in oil, and that wasn’t healthy for the baby. I couldn’t eat the cold cuts either. I’d read that there was a risk of listeria infection.

“Halo has a meal in the fridge. Wilma put her name on it,” Bane said, walking into the room.

“She can’t eat this?” Than asked.

I glanced from Bane to Than. “Sandwich meats carry a risk of listeria infection. It’s not safe to eat when pregnant.”

Than raised his eyebrows. “Didn’t know that.”

“You knew that?” Bane asked me pointedly.

His surprised look made me prickly.

“Yes, I did. I have a book my doctor gave me.”

The approval in his expression had me jerking my eyes off the man and walking to the fridge. I didn’t need his approval, thank you very much. While he thought I should sit around in this house, being nothing but an incubator for his nephew, I was more than that. I was his mother, and I would do everything I could to make sure he was healthy.

Opening the impressive appliance, I was once again overwhelmed by all the stuff in it. There was even more than there had been this morning. I scanned the shelves, trying to find what it was that I was supposed to eat.

I stiffened as a warm body came up close enough behind me that chill bumps broke out on my arms. I held my breath as a thick, corded arm with colorful art tattooed on it reached over me and took a container out. When I finally inhaled the scent that I identified as Bane’s, it made me want to suck in more air.

“This is yours.” His voice held a brooding lilt to it.

“Th-thanks,” I stammered as he moved back, and I turned to take my lunch from him.

He didn’t respond. Instead, he left me standing there with the fridge open, staring at his retreating form as he took long, purposeful strides out of the kitchen.

Reaching for the door, I closed it before going back to the bar. Than was watching me with a quizzical expression. I forced a tight smile and dropped my eyes to the container Bane had given me.

“Okay, what the fuck was that?” Forge asked, swinging his focus from the door back to me.

Than cleared his throat. “I don’t know.”

Neither did I, but my heart was racing wildly in my chest. I sat down and took the top from the plate. A large yellow squash had been cut into two pieces, then stuffed with black beans, a ground meat of some kind, chopped colorful veggies, with mozzarella cheese melted on the top. Beside it were sliced strawberries, drizzled with some white cream. It looked delicious and smelled wonderful.

“Damn, why can’t I get that for lunch?” Forge asked, peering over at my plate. “Fuck this sandwich shit.”

Than leaned closer to see what I had been given. “Okay, yeah, I’m jealous,” he agreed.

I gave them both a smug smile before picking up my fork to take a bite.

The swimsuits that Grissele had bought for me felt as if they needed more fabric until I walked down to see the other females out at the pool.

The floor-to-ceiling windows in the great room were gone. They had been rolled up like a garage door. I hadn’t realized they did that. The entire wall where the windows had been was now one big, open area. The great room connected seamlessly onto the patio. Although it wasn’t truly dark yet, there were open flames from torches surrounding the area outside.

Music from outside floated in through speakers, but not too loudly. The large screen in the great room had a pregame show on ESPN that a few guys were watching. Ransom was sitting on the U-shaped sofa with a beer in his hand, and on the other side was Forge, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, listening to whatever they were saying on the screen.

The two other men I didn’t recognize. One glanced up at me and nodded before looking back at the screen.

“Than is outside. He was waiting on you, but he needed a smoke,” Forge said, barely looking from the screen to me.

I hadn’t known Than smoked. I’d never seen him smoke.

“Okay,” I replied and walked slowly out of the great room and onto the patio.

The barely there bikini tops I’d seen from inside were only on a few females. The others, I realized, were topless. I’d worn a sundress over mine, for fear it was too revealing. Laughter came from the pool, and I scanned the crowd, thinking I might just need to go back upstairs.

“There you are.” Than’s friendly tone was a massive relief.

Turning, I saw him walking up from the left side of the house. The orange glow of the cigarette in his mouth surprised me. He took a long pull from it, then walked over and put it out in an ashtray.

“I was thinking I might have to come get you.”

I looked from the ashtray back to Than. “You smoke?”

He looked sheepish as he shrugged. “Takes the edge off.”

“I’ve never seen you smoke,” I said.

His gaze dropped to my stomach. “We all smoke something, little momma. But in the house, Bane banned it the day you moved in. Everyone gets why.”

Something else about Bane I hadn’t known. He smelled like smoke, but it was more of an oak scent. Not nicotine.

“Bane smokes too?”

He nodded. “Yep, but his high-maintenance ass smokes cigars. He’s never been one to enjoy a Camel.”

Oh, that explained the smell. I hadn’t pictured Bane smoking a cigar.

“You want something to drink? Shirley Temple?” he asked with a teasing grin.

I laughed. “That actually sounds good.”

“Then, let’s get you one,” he told me, then touched the middle of my back as he led me down the steps on the patio until we were on the split brick path that led to the pool area. “We hire a bartender for nights like tonight.”

My gaze slowly made its way over the people. I recognized Oz, who was sitting on a chair with a drink in his hand, talking to a guy I didn’t know. A topless female, with blonde hair in one long braid lying over her left shoulder, walked over to him, and he moved his drink as she sat down on his right leg. Quickly, I shifted my eyes elsewhere.

An older man with dark blond hair, which was long enough that he had it pulled back in a messy almost-bun slash ponytail, tanned skin, a short beard, and more tattoos on his arms than Bane was watching me. He said something, but his eyes stayed locked on me. Feeling self-conscious, I flicked my gaze to see who was beside him. It was a younger guy with blond hair, cut in a surfer-boy style that looked unbrushed yet fell perfectly into place, all at the same time. He met my gaze, then looked at Than before turning his attention back to the man beside him.

“That’s Luther Levine. He’s Linc’s second.” He paused. “I guess the best way to describe his duties is, he’s the head enforcer. If it’s a dangerous job, then it’s Luther and Bane who go in first. The rest are just backup.”

He had to be talking about the older guy. I didn’t think they’d send the surfer boy into a dangerous situation. Bane—I could understand that completely.

“And the one beside him—who keeps looking this way and trying not to be curious, although he so fucking is—is Gathe Bowen. Crosby, Gathe, me, and, uh …” He paused.

I glanced up at him, curious as to what he was going to say before he changed his mind.

The smile he gave me looked like he was apologetic or pained. I couldn’t tell which.

“And Saylor,” he added. “We are all around the same age. Growing up in this life together, we were close.”

Were. Past tense. As in not anymore. Did that mean because Crosby was dead or because of me?

Than stopped at the bar that was lit up with neon lights. I listened to him order as I looked around the rest of the pool. The moment my eyes found Bane, I tensed. He was grinning. As in he had an actual smile on his face as he looked at the blonde on his left while the brunette on his right pressed her naked breasts against his arm and kissed his shoulder. Two. He had two girls.

“Here you go,” Than said, and I turned my focus back to him as he held out my drink to me. “I had him add extra cherries. If you don’t like them, I do.”

I gave him a tight smile, which was difficult. “Thanks,” I replied with the image of Bane and two topless women draped on either side of him burned into my brain.

It wasn’t that I cared. I was just surprised. That was all. He’d been with the office manager at the stables, and now, these two. He sure got around.

Okay, fine. For some odd reason, it bothered me. My chest felt funny and tight. It was just because I was being reminded that Crosby had lived this life too. That, while I thought he loved me, he was living in this world. He probably had topless women pressed against his arms …

No, wait. He’d had a fiancée. Saylor would have been here.

“Not to your liking? Too much grenadine?” Than asked me.

I lifted my eyes from my drink to his concerned expression. I hadn’t even tasted it. “No, it’s fine.” Or I was sure it would be.

I’d not actually had a Shirley Temple before. Carina used to talk about them after Nick took her out to get a burger and fries at his favorite diner in Jackson. She always ordered Shirley Temples, and she’d loved to tell me all about them.

“You sure? You were looking at it like it’d offended you.”

I shook my head. “No. Thank you. I’ve always wanted to try one of these.”

His brows drew together. “You’ve never had one?”

“Nope,” I said, then placed the straw to my lips and tasted it. The sweet, bubbly drink was refreshing. When I smiled at him this time, it wasn’t one I struggled to do. “Delicious.”

He started to say something when a shadow fell over us. I glanced up to see the older man, who I assumed was Luther Levine. Up close, he was even handsomer. He was well past thirty, but I wasn’t sure by how much. His eyes said he was older than his looks seemed to portray. I had no doubt any one of the gorgeous women decorating this pool area would come running if he snapped his fingers.

“Halo,” he said with less of a Southern drawl than the other guys here had. “I’m Luther. I’ve heard a lot about you from Linc.”

I licked my lips nervously. “It’s nice to meet you.” I hoped that response hadn’t sounded as awkward as it felt.

Unlike Linc, he didn’t have the demeanor that eased you. He had an edge in his gaze. One that made you uncertain of what he was thinking or his purpose.

“Than,” he said, shifting his intense focus to him, “I see you’re helping her adjust to things around here.”

Than flashed me an amused grin. “Yeah, doing my best.”

“Bane is behaving,” Luther said sardonically.

Than chuckled. “Bane is being Bane.”

“Glad to see he is finding himself again and not buried in his grief. I thought we might have lost him for a while.” Luther turned his hazel gaze back to me. “Seems you not only pulled Grissele out of her darkness, but Bane too. Linc was right. Your impact on the Cash family overrides the way it affects the Rices. And when Saylor stops her nonsense, her parents will be fine too.”

Unsure of what to say to that, I took a drink from my glass. I did feel bad for Saylor, but I hadn’t done anything to her on purpose. If I’d known about her, then I wouldn’t be pregnant. I would never have let Crosby take me home that first time. Yet I felt like they all still saw me as the reason she was hurting. Me and my baby.

Than cleared his throat. “Probably time I move Halo inside. She’s not ready for this just yet. I thought I’d ease her in slowly,” he said, giving Luther a pointed look.

Glancing from him to Luther, who was scanning the area around us, I, too, turned to see what he was referring to. The wind seemed to be sucked right out of me when I saw the blonde that Bane had been talking to naked and straddling him while … while bouncing on his …

I immediately dropped my eyes to my glass. They were having sex right there, in front of everyone.

“Probably wise,” Luther replied.

Than put his hand back on the middle of my back. “Let’s go,” he said.

I stared at my drink as if it were the most fascinating Shirley Temple that had ever been made.

“It can get a little rowdy out here. We’re guys with naked tits, tiny bottoms, willing females. I should have warned you, but I figured it would wait until after the game. But then this can break out at any time.” Than explained this as if it made complete sense.

I had watched Bane put a bullet in two men’s heads. He’d sent one flying inches from mine. Why wouldn’t he fornicate in public? I didn’t think he had morals. But then … who was I to judge? I’d believed my brother—no, wait, not my brother. He wasn’t my brother. I had believed Ares was good down deep even though he had been making bad decisions and his temper could get scary. I seemed to be a very bad judge of character.

Glancing up at Than, I asked, “Do you do that? Have sex like that out there?”

He cut his eyes at me, and I could see the strained expression on his face. “Like I said, we’re guys.”

He did. He might even do it later tonight. It wasn’t my business. Besides I was the one pregnant at nineteen. Their friend and brother was dead because of me. If anything, they had every reason to judge me. But Than never had. That line I’d drawn in my head between right and wrong, the black and white I had always seemed to view life in, was changing.

There was no line. We couldn’t see people’s souls by their actions. We should accept that there was a gray area and that we all lived inside it more often than not. Just because your gray choices were different from someone else’s didn’t make yours better. The distance from black or white was irrelevant. If it was gray, then it was gray.